Pause

It is late and I am delaying going to bed. I figure if I stay awake it will take longer for the morning to come. I am not ready for tomorrow morning. My baby is going to kindergarten and I am SO not ready to let him go. He is ready and is so excited, but I am not. I know my days are busy and the little ones make me crazy more times than I care to admit, but oh my goodness the time has gone by too fast and I can't believe tomorrow is coming. I put off school shopping thinking it would make it less real. I kept thinking it was farther off than it was, possibly trying to psych myself out. I have had a hard time falling asleep at night. I can feel the anxiety level increasing by the hour. Have I prepped him enough? Have I done enough to send him out to school all day by himself? Are the other kids going to like him? Are they going to be nice to him? Is HE going to be nice to them? I have so many concerns and anxieties about it all....but I think the biggest thing is I am losing the mother hen wing I have been able to hold over him for so long. I am not going to know what he is doing every minute of every day. I am not going to be able to help him when he needs it or remind him to make good choices. I know, I know...it is just kindergarten, but I have never done this before and it seems so much bigger than preschool.

I find myself wanting to make more of the moments I have with my kids. I know and say all the time that time goes by fast, but goodness - I just can't keep up. I was trying to think of words to best describe my time with my kids.....I want to cherish, soak, enjoy, savor, remember, and capture as much as I can before my days, hours, and minutes dwindle that I have to spend with their cute little faces.

I guess I better get to bed....and at least try to get some sleep before tomorrow. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach....you would think I was the one going to school, but no, my brave, outgoing, energetic, charming, adorable little boy is going and he is SO excited! Oh I am going to miss him......

I could really use a pause button right about now -